Hey everyone! I know the posts have been a bit random and often unrelated but that’s all going to change soon! I have some big things planned (interviews and such) and I am thinking of different way to take the blog. Possibly a journal/form of personal documentation/reflection (more so than it is right now). Look out for big changes coming to the site!!
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I recently had an encounter with a good friend, a Dominant and mentor of sorts, that I rather flippantly mentioned to that I’m a pup. Immediately following this “confession” of sorts, I was asked what breed I identify with. Now, I do not identify with a breed and don’t feel I should have to. (I, however, have friends who identify with breeds and I have no qualms about their identifications) I told him this and was subsequently told that I wasn’t a pup, that having a breed was a requirement to be a pup.
Personally, although I do love pup play, being a pup is more about a mentality and a state of being to me. Can someone challenge my mentality, how I think and see the world? I can wag my tail with the rest of them and I love a good wrestle, but even in the absence of these activities and aspects of pup life, I’m a pup. I don’t hang my pup persona at the door when I leave. Radar doesn’t sit home and wait for me to be in the privacy of my room until I get home, only coming out when the doors are closed and the windows are covered. I am a pup, I am Radar, 24/7. Why should a breed affect that?
This not only bothered me to a large degree (I’ve always been very confident with how I choose to identify so this came as a blow of sorts), but it also got me thinking about the community as a whole; not just the BDSM/leather/kink community but the LGBT community. We’ve become so hung up on placement and minutia and where people are categorized that we forget the freedom we speak of and the openness that we brag about.
I’m a pup because that’s what I FEEL. It’s I know I am and who I am meant to be. Learning about pup play gave definition to my persona, clarity to my confusion, and validation to my personality and mentality. This freedom should be what makes someone who they are, what defines how they identify, not a laundry list of requirements and rules. If I say I’m a pup because it makes me happy, then I’m a pup, dammit.
This occurrence helped me more than it hurt me, thankfully. It made me realize that what others think of me, how I identify and to what degree I identify, shouldn’t matter. First and foremost, I should be happy and comfortable in my own skin, not worrying about public approval, having the most friends on Facebook, followers on twitter or wherever the hell else. Life should be about living how you want to, not living how others want you to. What matters isn’t being surrounded by the most friends, but the best friends (in my case it’s Emmanuel, Michael, Danny, and Romper). Quality over Quantity.
This experience has shown me that everyone needs to be able to identify as they choose, without prejudice and without a laundry list of requirements and specifications. Just do you and things will fall into place. Do what makes you happy and fuck the haters (metaphorically or literally, you pick) and just live life how you want to live it. The ones who matter are the ones who will support you no matter what.
I’ve been asked this question a lot by my vanilla friends that I’m rather open with about my kinky side: when is it okay to be vocal with a Dom? Now, in this context, it was elaborated upon that the situation would be due to a lack of comfort or maybe the submissive felt less than safe in a situation. I had my own opinion but I decided it was best to consult others more experienced in the community. Common sense won out and we all quickly came to the same conclusion: a sub always has the right to express discomfort or fear to their Dominant, albeit respectfully.
A submissive should always feel secure enough with their Dominant, no matter if it’s a hook-up or an established relationship, that a vocalization in a situation of discomfort or negative feelings comes easy and isn’t a challenge. But, again, in this situation, like any other in a Dominant/submissive relationship, there is a certain level of respect that needs to be adhered to (and protocol would depend on the relationship).
Now, vocalization in a situation of discomfort is very important, but respect plays a big part in it (as stated above). If i was going out with my Dominant’s friends and I didn’t feel comfortable in an area of town, throwing a tantrum and pitching a fit wouldn’t get me anywhere in any circumstance. But in this situation, not only would it reflect poorly on me, but on my Dominant as well and as His submissive, that’s inappropriate and disrespectful.
I realize that this is coming from an opinionated and, truthfully, quite vocal submissive but even in situations of discomfort or negative feelings, it’s my personal belief that respect and protocol, on some level, still be maintained.